Monday, August 5, 2013

In which our heroine feels oddly at peace

It's quarter after three in the morning.  (Actually, it's 3:14, but if I was having a hard time avoiding pi jokes when I tried saying that.)  I woke to feed and change the baby, and now here I am, trying to finish last-minute things for the morning.

What's in the morning, you might ask?  School.  Moose begged and pleaded not to make him wait until September, so school is in the morning.  His first day...sort of, if you don't count the couple of weeks we tried just after Easter.  I wanted to have the house clean, to have my hanging organizer finished and filled, and generally to make a bit of a deal about it.  None of that is going to happen.  I'm okay with that, strangely enough.  At this age, especially, learning is play, and play is learning.  We are being very informal about his education this year--a bit more planned than I might have had he not wanted school so badly, but still very relaxed.  Years from now, he'll remember that a dolphin is a mammal and that he got to go to the zoo with his cousins.  He won't remember that I had to move a pile of junk mail and some extra flower pots off the table before he could do his work.  Really, most of our days and weeks will be spent roaming the outdoors or curled up on the couch with a book.

In some ways, I wish I had gone ahead and ordered a prepackaged curriculum.  It would be nice to be able to look at a chart and know what I needed to do each day.  It would be nice not to be up in the wee hours of morning pulling together resources.  At the same time, I'm loving the freedom that comes with not following anyone else's plans.  I think we need that flexibility right now, especially as we figure out what works best for Moose as a student and for us as a family.

I'm wondering how much he'll grow this year.  It will be interesting to look back, 365 days from now, and see how much he's changed.  In some ways, I'm sad already about losing my little boy, bit by bit.  At the same time, I'm eager to meet the person he'll become.

This feels a little anticlimactic.  I feel like I ought to be buying him a special outfit, making a special breakfast, taking tons of pictures.  Maybe I'll do two of those three.  Maybe we'll even throw streamers around and make a banner, if I can get the house tidied up enough to be worth it.  Really, though, nothing is changing.  As of tomorrow, telling him that dolphins are mammals is "school."  Today, it was just part of life.  Remembering that helps me to be at peace about all of it.

I have a hard time making choices.  I fret and over analyze every little detail.  Once I've made my choice, though...I'm good.  We're good.  This is the right choice for us.

Just remind me of that tomorrow when I'm tired, Sprite is fussing, and the laundry is piling up.

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